Oh Allah...
I wish to die..

When I watch this world...
I am in agony
Longing to be somewhere else
As if my heart is not here
My body, my mind
Is living for the sake of living
Eating for the sake of eating
More felt than know I that
In this dreamworld
Nothing is real
An illusion
A diversion
I yearn for something more
Something I know I can never reach here
Something real
Something lasting
Something ever after

Oh Allah..
I ache to be truly home
I eat delicious foods you provide us
And I praise You for Your masterpieces
But, Oh! How more delicious foods in heaven are!
When I listen to a song I love
I sway with the beautiful melodies
I sing with the catchy tunes
But Oh Allah, Oh! How I long to hear the music of heaven!
When I'm cuddled up under my warm blanket
On a cold winter day
The pleasure of sleep overtaking me
I long Oh Allah, Oh! How I long to sleep deeply in the warmth of jannah!
Oh Allah..
I wish to die...

Oh Allah..
When I prostrate to You in prayers
I know I am the closest to You
I beg for You to take my life
To take me from this dreamworld
I have no desire to be here
Take me
Take me...

Oh Allah..
There is only one thing I fear
I fear Your wrath
And I fear Your promises
Of an eye for an eye
A tooth for a tooth
Of torturous payment for sin

I am afraid of death
Not for what I will leave behind
But for I fear the pain of stabbings of a thousand swords
I fear the pain of my soul pulled from my body
For even my beloved Prophet s.a.w screamed with the pain
Yet his was the softest death
I fear not the lost of blinding treasures
But I fear pain...

Oh Allah..
I read of the barzakh
Of the coiling snakes that brought human ribs together
Of the sharp hissing whips
Of the dagger-like hooking fingernails
Of the bites of red ants
Of the sting of malicious scorpions
Of loneliness
In the narrow six feet under
Within the dark, dark six feet under
I shake with fear oh Allah
I shake with fear

Oh Allah
I have not sinned big
I have not commit shirk
I have not commit zina
I have been faithful to my parents
I have uphold your greatness
But I have lied
I have procrastinate
I have not done dakwah
Sometimes I let mungkar fly by
And avoid makruf I see
I have not helped my brothers and sisters in jihad
And I have not spread the true message of Islam to all
I have sins
And I know Your promise is unbreakable
And that...I fear greatly...

Oh Allah
I am not afraid to die
I am not afraid to leave whatever pleasure of this world
But I am afraid for my sins
For the torture it would bring me
The pain of my soul being pulled from my body
The torture of barzakh
The scorching fires of hell

So, here it is Oh Allah
My prayer to You...

Praises be to Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Oh Allah, the Lord of the universe, the heavens, hell, earth and the hereafter
Take my soul now
Take it right now
If I am to reside in heaven
If I have completed my purpose here
If my path is only to dwindle later
If You can accept me now
If I am already in the highest iman
If I can be in jannah

But Oh Allah
If I have sins in my record
Even If I am to dip in hellfire only for a short while
Don't let that fire even lick me for second.
Help me go through this life
Guide me always
Give me strength
Give me spirit
To persevere in this dreamworld
To purify me from my sins
To protect me from hellfire
Keep me on the straight path
Show me the right way
The way of the people who you cherish
Not those who are lost
Neither those who are deviated
For this heart of mine
Would rather be with You
In the ultimate real world
Of the hereafter, Of heaven, Of Jannah
And this life here on earth
....is always a dolor.